~a column by Colleen O’Brien
I’m visiting in a home in which the hostess placed a book beside my bed: Witty Words from Wise Women, compiled by a woman, B.J. Gallagher. Instead of listening to politics today, I thought I’d read something far removed to lighten the election fatigue I’m beginning to suffer from, as is most of the United States.
I discover as I read the witty words that much of what modern women have to say is about as political as my daily bread right now. It seems there is no escaping the world I live in.
I should have known because I lived through it in a vicarious way – through the press: during the heydays of the feminist movement of the 1960s and ‘70s, one of the common rallying cries was “The personal is political!” The term was coined to describe what was happening in women’s personal lives—poor access to health care, women being responsible for all of the housework whether they worked or not, women possibly being sexually assaulted in their own homes, women never getting paid the same as a man—all of this meant that a woman’s life had to be a political issue if it was going to change.
The particular saying – “the personal is the political” – was meant to inspire women to be politically active on the issues that affected their lives. It made them aware that they had to work to ensure that politicians paid attention to women’s lives and looked at how the law ignored women. To feminists, “political” referred to any power relationships, not just those having to do with governing and elected officials. According to the history books, all of which were written by men, women’s problems were not important; whatever the complaint, it was all in women’s heads.
From that kind of Victorian point of view to the quotes of the ‘60s and ‘70s from the femmes:
“There are very few jobs that actually require a penis or vagina. All other jobs should be open to everybody.” –Flo Kennedy
“Women have got to make the world safe for men since men have made it so darned unsafe for women.” – Lady Mary Astor
“Behind every successful woman . . . is a basket of dirty laundry.” – Sally Forth
“You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake. As a woman, I can’t go to war, and I refuse to send anyone else.” – Jeannette Rankin
“As world events reflect, we remain far from mastering the art of human relations. We have invented no technology that will guide us to the destinations that matter most. After two world wars, the Holocaust, multiple genocides, and countless conflicts, we must ask how long it will be before we are able to rise above the national, racial, and gender distinctions that divide us to embrace the common humanity that binds us. The answer depends not on the stars or some mysterious forces of history; it depends on the choices you and I and all of us make.” – Madeleine Albright.
“Does giving birth make me a real woman? No, earning less than a man makes me a real woman.” – Suzy Berger
“Idealists – foolish enough to throw caution to the winds – have advanced mankind and enriched the world.” – Emma Goldman
“My grandfather once told me that there are two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there is much less competition.” – Indira Ghandi [This so reminds me of two people running for President of the United States.]
“If they speak in ways expected of women, they are seen as inadequate leaders. If they speak in ways expected of leaders, they are seen as inadequate women. The road to authority is tough for women, and once they get there it’s a bed of thorns. – Deborah Tannen [Sounds like Hillary’s road, to me.]
“I’m tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.” – Madonna [Oh, that we could all be Madonna.]
“Above all other prohibitions, what has been forbidden to women is anger, together with the open admission of the desire for power and control over one’s own life.” – Carolyn Heilbrun
Throughout my life, I have had to figure out my own mantras, as I’m sure have you. I have coined four of them so far through my decades; which means that about every 15 years, starting when I was about 10, I had something to say about the life I was leading:
“Life is tough; be kind.” (I have a feeling someone was being mean to me in the schoolyard.)
“Suffering fools makes me fall asleep.” (I was a young mother listening to how smart other mothers’ babies were. I never actually shared this mantra with anyone.)
“We’re all doing the best we can.” (This was my excuse for my own feeble self when all my peers were going on to graduate school.)
“Eat vegetables, write poetry.” (I finally found something that worked.)
What have you to say about your life? Will you be seriously philosophical like novelist Barbara Kingsolver who said, “The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for.” Or will you be like Helen Hayes who had no solution but just a statement of fact: “The hardest years in life are those between 10 and 70.”
